Chelsea {Revolution Reveals}

Hi ladies!! My name is Chelsea. I’m 25 years old, I love kids (although i don’t have any) and i love sweet little kittens too. My favorite things to do are read, draw/paint, although i’m not that great at it, and I also love a good Netflix binge session. i’m still trying to figure out who i want to be, i’m not really sure yet. and trying to love myself along the way.

I met Erica like 6 years ago, we worked together at Walmart and she was actually my manager. i knew she took photos, but i think at the time she was just starting with boudoir. i had a session with her about 4 years ago for a special project she was trying to do, but unfortunately it just didn’t pan out the way she had planned. but even then i decided that i had to give it another shot, because i really wanted to be able to see myself the way others saw me.

my biggest struggle has always been my weight, i have been fluctuating up and down with it since i was about 13 years old, which was when my parents got divorced. when they split, my brother went with my mom and i stayed with my dad, who worked a 3-11 job, so i was effectively raising myself. after they split, i found out that my mom not only has very serious mental health issues, but that she is an addict and that she was actively using. after a few months and an attempt on her life, i cut her out of mine because i thought that would be easier than losing her to something like the drugs or her suicide attempts. so i grew up without a mother, without my only sibling, and basically without a father. then, my dad got remarried and my family grew. fast forward a few years, and i realized that i was a lesbian, and that i really wanted to be with women instead of men. i came out and it didn’t go well. i ended up on the street, staying on a cot in my best friend’s room, and back and forth from friends places until i graduated high school. and for me, my comfort was always food. that bag of chips would always be there when i needed it. i gained a lot of weight through all of high school because of all these behind the scenes stressors, and as a result was always picked on in school for being a fat girl. i hated everything about myself, and i was angry. angry at the people that looked at me that way, angry at myself for letting it get so bad, angry at life and the unfair hand i was dealt. and really, really sad. i still have those feelings some days honestly. and then after high school i was in a very toxic relationship that was on and off for 4 years, and that wrecked whatever self esteem i had left. the girl i was with was mentally abusive, she was manipulative, a cheater, a liar, and by the time our relationship finally ended i didn’t even recognize the person i was. i had hurt so many people while i was hurting. i did things i never thought i would do. i betrayed people that i loved. i really felt that i was ruined as a person, and i truly didn’t see a way to fix it. i was completely broken. and still fat, as i was reminded every time i looked in the mirror. and of course, the food helped me comfort myself through that.

anyway, after all of that, it was a very slow uphill battle trying to get back little pieces of myself that i had lost. i started doing things i loved again. like reading, and painting, and binge watching tv shows. i spent a lot of time trying to convince myself to do them, because i was still so sad that i didn’t want to do anything. but the more i did them, the easier they got. now i make a point to practice a little self love every day, and if not every day at least once or twice a week. whether that be reading, putting on a face mask, playing with my makeup and getting all dolled up just to look at myself and tell myself i’m a bad ass bitch even if i have a belly.

one of the things i wanted to do for myself was have a session. i bought it last year, and planned it almost a full year ahead so that i had time to work on my body a bit so i could be happy with the way i looked. but, life happens, and it didn’t work out that way. i actually ended up gaining some weight by the time the date was close. i actually planned on giving the session away to someone else because i was so disgusted by the way i looked. but i decided to go through with it anyway, because i already paid for it. that was literally my only reason for doing my session because of the way i was feeling about my body. 

when i got to the session i talked to erica about the way i was feeling, and she basically told me to cut it out because i look amazing. she made me feel so comfortable, she talked to me just about life, about my outfits, about everything and anything. i had always wanted topless pictures but there was no way in hell i was going to take any with the weight i’m carrying right now. except for Erica made me feel like i could, and that was everything  i definitely didn’t believe her when she said i looked beautiful, but after seeing the pictures she has taken of me, i actually really do. i’m so grateful for Erica, for Revolution boudoir, for reminding me that even with a belly i can be beautiful.

now that i’ve written a full length novel i’m going to try to wrap this up. if i could tell you ladies anything, i would tell you that regardless of the things you’ve been through, and maybe even because of some of them, you are strong, you are beautiful, and most important, you are deserving of every little thing you’ve ever dreamed of. if i’ve learned anything in my time on this earth, it is to never stop fighting for yourself, and to never give in to the voices in your head telling you you’re not good enough because of (insert your insecurities here). you are perfect in the skin that you are in.

there’s a quote i love, i’m going to leave you with this. i try to live by it every day.

“i stopped judging my body the moment i realized it doesn’t judge me for my misuse of it”

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