Just Eat the Ice Cream from the Container!
Hi. My name is Helen. I am a 45 year old mother of three wonderful children, ages 24, 20, and 17. My youngest will be a senior in high school this fall.
When I was younger, I did not care much about my looks, my body type, or even my size. After three children, that does something to you, physically. Nothing is the same anymore.
I guess that I may have had a mid-life crisis, who fucking knows! I certainly am not 100% sure that I did.
After having my children, I got married to the father of my 2 younger ones. I have been with this man for 20 years, well more than that if you count the time prior to the birth of my oldest, as we had dated briefly before then. He is the only father that my son really knows.
So that “stability” of a man around the home was always there. He is a great father, just a horrible husband. In the 20 years that we have been together, very rarely does he ever tell me about my beauty, my grace, my elegance, or anything positive like that. I would see spouses be very supportive of a wife’s looks and appearance. I would see them holding their hand in public, placing their hand at the small of their back, holding a door open for them, and all those little things that meant something to them.
Jealousy is a dish served raw and cold.
I was jealous, envious of these women. What did they do to get treated like that? The answer: be themselves. Do I seem petty because I see other women being treated like that? Maybe? But that is how a woman, a beautiful, loving, elegant, and graceful woman should be treated.
Why did I do my boudoir photo shoot? I had my crisis! I woke up one day after many years of feeling belittled, not taken seriously, and not feeling myself. I have (and currently am going through again) a serious health scare. I was over-weight (I still am). I had lost over 100 pounds. I was working away from home as a travel nurse, and got the phone call from my physician that I had cancer. After testing and surgery, it was determined at that time that I did not have cancer, but the treatment for the condition that I have is being placed on immunosuppressants, and other treatments including chemo. I currently am working with my physicians for my treatments, and am facing the very same diagnosis of a cancer scare again.
I decided at that time, after many years of not being told and reminded by my spouse that I am a very beautiful person. I am also a very reserved and painfully shy individual. I don’t have many friends, and those that are very close to me, know certain things that I would never speak of. I have to say, that they probably know more about me than my soon to be ex-husband does. I found Erica’s business on FB. I looked at her site for DAYS, and DAYS, and DAYS. Then one day I emailed her about doing a boudoir shoot. I asked questions, upon questions, upon questions (secretly I think that she got tired of my mundane questions, haha). But she was very helpful, open, and upfront with me about what to expect. Then I booked with her!
OMG I booked a nudie photo shoot! With someone I do not know! God!
At this time in my life, I was feeling great! I had reconnected with someone and we clicked. This person is a very important part of my life. Always has been, and we lost touch years ago. This person reminds me daily, and I mean daily, how beautiful, intelligent, smart, funny, graceful, elegant, etc that I am. “T” is my “lobster” (referencing an episode of FRIENDS”). So I told “T” about the photo shoot. It took me DAYS to tell him. His response? I think you should do it! OMG! “T” knows the ins and out of me, he knows EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING about me. He knows that I would NEVER leave the house to drop something in the mailbox without a bra! I think he was waiting on me to not do this. I booked my date, I shopped for lingerie. I bought stuff I never in a million years would have ever bought! I went to the (as my parents would call it) “that dirty underwear store” and bought different pairs of underwear and bras. I FELT REVOLUTIONED! I FELT BEAUTIFUL, ELEGANT, GRACEFUL, and most of all FREE! Free from the imprisonment of not feeling my worth!
While every day is a struggle, depression is at one of the highest points of my day. I no longer make excuses to lay in bed. I go to the gym. I go to the shooting range. I work, HARD. Matter of fact, I work 2 jobs and go to school as well. I raise my family. I continue my education to help those in need in the community. I may not always have a positive outlook on my life, and most of all my self care needs (such as being active, reading a book, drinking a beer or 2, etc). I get up everyday and think “What can I do today to get through this thing called life? I don’t cry in the shower much anymore. I get ready to go to work, and do it to the best of my ability, knowing that I can go to bed and sleep restfully. I talk more openly with my ride-or-die. I eat healthier, I work out at the gym, I buy the pretty outfit, I read more, I do what I need to do to get through the day. And when I see those clouds coming in, I remember that through the grey clouds the sun shines down somewhere and…………..
Eat the ice cream from the container.
Please ladies, remember this……………You are BEAUTIFUL, GRACEFUL, ELEGANT, INTELLIGENT, SMART, and SO WORTH EVERYTHING. Find your worth……..it is there…………AND YOU DESERVE SO MANY BLESSINGS.
Just Eat the Ice Cream from the Container!